The postman always poops twice. Well, maybe just my boys.

Why oh why do my boys have to poop at the same time? I mean like LITERALLY at the same time. This morning I drag Zachy off to the playroom where the changing table is because he's got a load in his diaper, and SURE ENOUGH I hear "MOMMY I POOOOOPED!!" coming from the downstairs bathroom. I have to then, hurry the hell up changing Zach (which is no easy feat, what with all his wiggling, hip thrusting and screaming due to his current diaper rash) and then rush to the bathroom and pray Ryan hasn't taken matters into his own hands in the wiping-department. I am trying to encourage him to wipe himself but I've seen first hand AKA underwear skid marks, that he just doesn't get the job done. So yeah, that happens at least once a day, sometimes twice. I'm blessed with two very REGULAR kids.

Potty humor is just fantastic on so many levels. For some reason, its not *as* disgusting when it's a child or a baby. If this was me we were talking about, you'd all be running for the exits. It must be so great to get away with that kind of stuff as a kid.

I was just leaving Stop N Shop when this little boy ran ahead of my cart on the way out and stood in the doors. His exasperated mom was behind me pushing her cart out yelling for him to move out of my way. I smiled at him because he was so darn cute (and probably about Ryan's age) and his mom apologized behind me. I turned to her and was like, "Oh its OK I have two boys at home I know what it's like!" and chuckled. She then says, "Oh wow, TWO boys? God bless you!" And of course, I had to mention I had a third on the way...and yes, it was yet another boy. That really knocked her out to say the least.

She ended up being parked next to me and when she walked around to her car said "OH MY GOD you ARE pregnant! I heard you say that you had another on the way but from behind I thought to myself there is no way this girl is pregnant!" I swear....God as my witness...I almost made out with her then and there. I thanked her profusely and told her she made my day, hell my WEEK and that all that Zumba must be paying off. Its always nice to hear stuff like that from strangers. As an added treat for all of you, here is a picture of my sexy almost 30 week pregnant ass.

Drink it in baby. I'm becoming more and more rotund as the days go by.

Fun facts for the day:
-Whoever invented Dinosaur Train is seriously a genius. I mean, for boys its like THE perfect show. Dinosaurs...on a train. The only thing missing is if the dinosaurs like built stuff and maybe played sports too. But seriously...home run and I assume the creator is a very rich person. One thing that bothers me is the opening credits....the baby T-Rex hatches in a Pteranadon nest and is like, "How did I get here?" and the Pteranadon Mommy says "hey its OK, lets go on a vacation on the Dinosaur Train!" Like a vacation is supposed to soften the blow that this T-Rex is now misplaced from his real family? Umm...OK. I need to stop losing sleep over my kid's TV shows.

-My Ryan is becoming quite the ham and I'm thrilled because I'm also a huge ham. I also enjoy eating ham, how ironic is that? But I digress. Ryan was really mugging it up for the camera today when his cousins Sarah and David came over for a play date. I couldn't be prouder as I too am completely in love with myself.

Thaaaaats my boy. How cute are these two?

-Zachy enjoys wearing Ryan's bike helmet in the house. I can only assume its because he expects to be bucked off the couch or something. Either that or because he just looks like a boss.

Hold on tight Zachy, that couch could throw you off at any time!

-When you ask a four year old to take a picture of you and your husband's aunt it comes out looking like this:

Nice try Ry.

Shameless plug for the day:

International Delights Iced Coffee. I want to rub this product all over my body its so good. I get the Mocha flavor...its basically just as it sounds, its Iced Coffee in like a milk carton. I pour it over ice then add extra Hershey's Syrup to punch up that chocolate flavor. Also because I'm pregnant and I can.

 This stuff is seriously awesome. I went to Stop N Shop just now specifically to replenish my supply (as I'm completely OUT) and they have none on the shelves. I almost took a hostage. The nice dairy dude told me they would have more tomorrow morning to which I said, "OF COURSE YOU WILL BECAUSE I WONT BE HERE." Don't mess with a pregnant woman and her cravings.





A girl can dream can't she?

Most people dream about fabulous things. Some dream of financial independence, living in the lap of luxury, traveling to exotic locations. Not me. I have a dream that one day I (or someone I can sell my idea to) will build an IMMENSE drive-thru shopping mall. Not just any shopping mall mind you, I mean the ultimate drive thru! Imagine, just one long building where you could purchase ANYTHING without leaving the comfort of your car, or more importantly, never have to drag your two kids in and out of a car seat every 5 minutes just to go buy a gallon of milk, buy some stamps and refill a prescription.

I know there are a few drive thru's out there already like Rite Aid and CVS...but I did try to ask the nice lady at the pharmacy if she could run and grab me a box of Pampers once and she laughed. I wasn't kidding. I picture driving through the first section and its, oh i don't know, a pharmacy let's say. You can pick up your prescription, a pack of diapers, some nail polish remover and maybe your husbands athlete's foot spray...the possibilities are endless. Pick up your stuff, and roll on down to the next window, a HUGE post office. Go ahead, buy your stamps, mail your tax return go wild. No more waiting on a long line in a hot sweaty post office with your screaming kids while the elderly man in front of you buys a years supply of stamps.

OK, now to really top it off...you roll on down to the grocery store part of our drive thru. You want to make dinner but realize you're out of garlic. Oh, and you're really craving oatmeal. Because you're 7 months pregnant. So go ahead and get those. Pay for all aand BOOM you're rolling down the highway without ever having to to lift a finger. Yes,they will even put your stuff in the trunk of your mini-van or SUV (that's right moms I know what you drive).

I love this idea, and yes as you can tell I've spent many an hour thinking of this. Usually when I'm on line at my local post office sweating my balls off while my kids hang off of me whining.

Another fab idea that can be branched off from this...the drive thru gynecological visit, drive thru blood draw, drive thru eye exam, drive thru pedicure, drive thru dentist.

This of course all has to happen after my best friend Lisa Anne and I build our dream of the Spa/Gynecologist. Pap and a Pedi anyone?

So yeah ideas. I haz em.

Fun facts for the day:
-Ask Zachy (my almost 2 year old) any question starting with "Zachy, what is..." and he will answer with "LELLO" which is of course in Zach-speak - Yellow. I asked him what letter I was pointing to in an alphabet book and he immediately answered "Lello". This makes for a neat party trick if you use it correctly, I can really amaze people when I show Zach something yellow on purpose and ask him what color it is. "Lello!!"  That's right baby, lello. :)

Wearing out favorite Lello shirt.

-Ryan (my 4 year old) has become acutely aware of the differences between girls and boys. He is especially taken wish my husband's underarm hair. The other day he mentioned to me that I should go to the doctor to become a boy like everyone else in the house. I didn't mention to him that Mommy wouldn't have to stretch that far, she already has a pretty huge swinging set.

-Today in Zumba my son in-utero who we are lovingly nicknaming Burger King (and at this rate may end up being his actual name because hubby and I cannot agree on a REAL name) decided that he needed to dance along with me in Zumba class making for a VERY unusual feeling. It did NOT help that he finally came to rest on my bladder. Add that in with some booty shaking and it makes for many bathroom breaks during class.

-My prenatal vitamins can kiss my ass. I'm shedding like a collie.

...and on that note, shameless plug: Wen hair products. Yes I just showered. Yes its 7:45pm at night. Those of you with kids know that you grab a shower whenever the hell you can. So yes, Wen Hair products, can't say enough good things about them. I have the Fig Cleansing Conditioner and even tho it is hella pricey, it's worth every penny. Just make sure you use it properly. I seriously only have to wash my hair 2-3 times a week because its THAT good.

My fire hydrant sized Fig Cleansing Conditioner. Sippy cup for size comparison. Junk on table for pity.

And no, that doesn't mean I don't SHOWER in general...gross. It just means that I don't have to languish in the shower for 20+ minutes every day and then blow-dry my long ass hair aftewards for another 20-30 minutes. Who has that kind of time?? In that time Zachy can tear down my curtains, eat every scrap of crud on my floor, decorate the glass top tables with silly putty, eat Ryan's button collection, hot wire my car, poop his pants twice, call Indonesia on my cell, leave the freezer open so everything gets melty, throw every pillow on the floor and jump up and down on the couch...you get the picture.

Anyway, Wen is awesome. I know its expensive, but do the whole 30 day trial thing if you're skeptical. OH and use the recommended amount. I know, I know 15-20 pumps of that stuff seems excessive but you HAVE TO use what they say or it won't work. It makes my hair all smooooth and silky which is no easy feat considering my hair, like my uterus has given up all hope.

Hope you enjoyed the first installment of this blog, I'm hoping to get in many more...usually they are just an elaboration on my current Facebook status so if you just read above and were all "I ALREADY KNOW ALL THIS" then you are either my mother or a stalker.